I don’t know if any of you have ever been to the Ritz-Carlton in Philadelphia, but can I get an OMG?!
I went for the first time a few years ago, for a black-tie event. And wow, was it loaded with glamour. Everyone was dressed to impress, like a Hollywood party, only without the actors.
But can we please talk about the VENUE? White marble covered every inch of the event hall. Columns soared toward a domed ceiling so high I wondered if it might open up to the heavens. Chandeliers glittered. Every click of a heel echoed across the marble, mingling with laughter and the happy hum of champagne-fueled conversation.
My purple Balenciagas - total showstoppers!
And there I stood, in my best black strapless gown and a pair of purple Balenciaga heels. The ones with the square backs and impossibly pointy toes. And if I’m being honest, total showstoppers.
For one glorious evening, I was practically royalty… A valet opened the car door. A very handsome man took my coat, which I handed over with a flirtatious smile. (Naturally.) And then came the waiters, appearing out of nowhere with trays of elaborate hors d’oeuvres and refilling glasses that were barely half empty.
And (naturally), I thought, Well. This is a lifestyle I could get used to.
Maybe that little taste of being waited on is why I absolutely loved condo living - someone was always there to take care of me!
Every morning, my doorman greeted me by name and smiled as he wished me good morning as I left for my day’s errands. The lobby was immaculate, with fresh flowers and decor that changed with the seasons. My packages were always waiting for me. There was no lawn to mow and no waking up to six inches of snow and wondering whether the plow company had forgotten I existed. And when my kitchen sink sprang a leak or my heat acted up, I made one call to the management company and someone would be standing outside my front door within the hour.
It was like the Ritz, really. Except, at the Ritz, I was a guest. In my very own charming condo, well, I was the condo. Or at least a paying member of the condo association.
And darling, condos are not cheap. The price tag is only the beginning.
Have you ever fallen hopelessly in love with a suede skirt? I have. Recently, actually. I wasn’t even looking for it, but everything about it just screamed I need it! Much like my yellow coat. (Hmm, I’m noticing a pattern..What can I say, the heart wants what it wants! And when I fall in love, I FALL. And the price wasn’t even that bad!)
Well, there was a tiny itty-bitty problem. I didn’t read the care label and I had no idea what it required. Google informed me that I need to brush the nap, apply protector spray, treat stains with a special suede eraser, never rub a water spot, sprinkle cornstarch on any oil, and when all else fails, dry clean. Phew! If I had known what went into owning a suede skirt… Well, I probably would’ve bought it anyway, but I would’ve been prepared.
Condos are just like that… just more commitment, more money, and NO RETURNS. You need to know what you’re getting before you fall for the gorgeous lobby, or the rooftop terrace, or the charming doorman.
Here are my five most important things to check before you commit to the condo of your dreams:
1. The monthly condo association fees
Think of this fee as a subscription to the life you’ve fallen in love with: the handsome doorman, the landscaping, the snow removal, the lobby flowers, maybe a gym or a pool.
But before you subscribe, check what’s covered and what isn’t. Ask whether the fee has been increasing in recent years, so you’re not caught off guard. And remember that a low monthly fee isn’t necessarily a bargain. More on that in a moment.
Takeaway: Condo fee = lifestyle subscription.
2. The reserve fund
A reserve fund is the building’s rainy-day savings account. Think of it as the sensible savings account we all aspire to have, despite the occasional irresistible purchase we can’t live without (suede skirt, anyone?). And a healthy association has a healthy reserve fund.
But remember that low monthly fee that isn’t always a bargain? Sometimes it just means that there isn’t a whole lot of money in the reserves and the building is ripping at the seams.
Takeaway: Reserve fund = savings account.
3. Special assessments
Don’t be fooled by the word “special.” It’s not the chef’s special, a special-edition handbag, or a special weekend in Paris. It’s a surprise bill for when there’s an emergency and the reserve fund can’t handle the whole project. For instance, imagine you're at a party with a few friends, and your designated driver has an emergency and has to leave. Now you're all stuck ordering an Uber. Nobody budgeted for this , it's 2 a.m., and surge pricing is in full swing. Whether or not you planned for it, you can't opt out since walking isn’t an option - you are all going home in that Uber, and I think you get the picture of who’s paying for it…
But I do NOT think a letter informing me that the building needs a new roof and I owe $20,000 is special. But apparently, that’s what special means in condo language.
Elevator replacement? Special assessment. A Ritz-like marble lobby that needs a facelift? Heaven help us all. That’s not a charming surprise. That’s the trip to Paris you’ll now be taking exclusively in your imagination.
Takeaway: Ask about any pending, or expected special assessments before you buy.
4. The paperwork
I know, not nearly as thrilling as choosing where to put your velvet sofa. But the meeting minutes are juicy, like really juicy. There’s always that one neighbor who likes to stir up trouble. No, seriously, it’s entertaining, and it’s helpful to know what you’re getting yourself into.
Have your agent or attorney help you read between the lines. And before signing anything, ask to see the financial statements, the budget, and any information about upcoming work.
Takeaway: Some of the most important things aren’t visible during the showing.
5. Insurance and property taxes
You know those two friends who somehow manage to invite themselves to every outing? Well, meet Insurance and Property Taxes. You may not particularly want them around, but when you buy property, they’re coming along for the ride.
The building’s insurance doesn’t necessarily cover everything inside your unit, so you’ll generally need your own policy. Just make sure you know exactly what’s in your monthly number.
Takeaway: Ask what’s included in your total monthly cost before committing.
Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not suggesting we abandon our dreams of luxurious living. Absolutely not! But there’s a difference between visiting a palace and owning a piece of one. At the Ritz, I floated through those halls in my purple Balenciagas, felt like royalty, and left without a care in the world. No maintenance fees. No special assessments. Which was good, because with all the champagne, I needed to work a little extra hard not to fall on my face in those heels!
So by all means, fall in love with the doorman. Admire the chandeliers. Imagine yourself doing group Pilates with the most magnificent view. Just know exactly what you’re getting before turning into a pumpkin. Because while Cinderella may have found her prince, someone still had to pay to maintain that castle.
Until next time,
~The Girl in the Yellow Coat
General information only. Costs and rules vary by building and state, so check the documents with your agent or attorney.
